riot in me

if your head knows somethings right(or, in this case, wrong... i cant see the chemistry.) then why do we insist on harboring thoughts, letting feelings linger. i guess its human nature, to gravitate towards something which you know will hurt so bad. despite this, the majority of us know when to stop and how to. we give it space, a whole load of consideration before deciding on our next move. isnt that an elevated form of wisdom? to be able to successfully separate thoughts and temptations, feelings and future. i know it takes a huge amount of willpower, discipline to do so.

but it seems so cold, if you live solely by your head and thorough thought. what if, once in a while, we let our heart win. what if, once in a while we just let ourselves go and follow wherever our emotions lead us. of course you could get hurt, of course you could get even more scarred. after all, this is akin to wearing a blindfold(feelings cloud senses, near removing foresight) and treading on a narrow bridge(because it takes only so little) spanning a huge chasm(to fall and fall and fall). on the other hand, who ever got anywhere without taking risks?

hmmm. maybe its time i took my own advice. im tired of being so cautious all the time. i dont wanna be so meticulous, so obsessed with details and plans anymore. too tiring, and the danger of disappointment is omnipresent. yeah.

this morning, for example, i was really fretting about how, after ian jerome and chris enlist in january, i would have less friends who have time for me. i keep wondering about the thailand trip. i cant help but worry if this weekend's christmas meal will go fine.

well, no more.

here and now, i promise that i wont, i REFUSE to sink into pessimism no matter what comes my way. i have people who care about me, and thats all which matters. God lights my way as i make it. why should i bother about the stepping stones shrouded in the darkness when His lamp shows the safe, perfect course for the present?

didnt you hear? i put the art in martyr.

Paramore's Let The Flames Begin

Somewhere weakness is our strength
And I'll die searching for it
I can't let myself regret such selfishness
My pain and all the trouble caused
No matter how long
I believe that there's hope
Buried beneath it all and
Hiding beneath it all, and
Growing beneath it all, and...

This is our debt when
When they try to take us down
This is how we'll sing it
This is how we'll stand when
When they burn our houses down
This is what will be our glory