everytime i talk to you, the fray starts playing in my head

morning lovelies. recently, ive noticed my posts sinking into tedious mediocrity. despite my blog's side-splitting antics, incessant(but entertaining) rants and up-to-date coverage on the life of yours truly, its been sorely lacking that certain something something which i feel sets it apart from other blogs.

this is, of course, my vivid pondering of all things philosophical or emotional. examining romance, trust etc etc in the past has been healthy for me, as i assess my own(sometimes warped) views on said subjects. analysing how i look at these important facets which make up one's personality, and thus indirectly one's life itself, is vital because lets face it: im still growing up. to be a respectable young adult who has a clear mindset and firm beliefs is what i strive for... and examining life's fluctuations on this blog helps tremendously.

in the spirit of things, i have decided to write about... forgiveness.

ive done something very similiar to this in the past. heres the link, for those who didnt catch it.

http://lauhan-loong.blogspot.com/2007/11/trust.html

well, i thought id elaborate on the "rebuilding the bridge" part. i mean, not only have i promised to do up something like this for quite a long time(i think it was 3 posts ago) but, so very very recently, ive had to ask for and be asked for forgiveness myself. ill bank on those two experiences to elaborate my points.

to begin... forgiveness is something that takes a LOT of courage to grant. when you forgive someone, someone who has wronged you, you are taking a huge step. this is due to two reasons.

firstly, like i mentioned briefly in the TRUST post, that person has betrayed a certain level of trust you have placed in him/her. forgiving implies that you are willing to begin believing in this friend again. however, doing so is extremely difficult. before such a rebuilding can occur, you must subject yourself to the chance, no matter how slim, that the friend who aggroed you could do it again. many who hold grudges or cant let go of their disdain will find forgiving beyond their ability.

in addition to this, to really FORGIVE someone, you gotta acknowledge that your are giving up feelings of anger/frustration/hate aimed at the person. only by doing so will you be able to tell yourself without any reservations or hesitation that you have indeed accepted his/her apology and have left the mistake behind you. this if more difficult to pull off than the previous point, because cmon lets be honest with ourselves me lovelies: we all love to mope and harbor negative feelings towards someone. its human nature. we love to hate. i think its because we find it easier to leave things the way they are, unsettled and tense, than to gather up an enormous font of bravery and in one moment of utter awkwardness, relieve yourself of these unhealthy emotions.

ok, lets take a look at the other end of this equation: the person ASKING for forgiveness.

ive had a short chat with yanni about this before, and the ideas im gonna list here are pulled 90% from a book i read(which i lent her.). its called the five languages of apology, and it details in amazingly interesting ways how to go about composing the perfect "sorry". please go read it, its so enlightening i nearly glowed when i finished the book. a short summary on the five ways to apologise to someone youve pissed off:

1) "ill never do it again." - promise youve learned from your mistakes and will not repeat it. simplistic to the point of laymanship.

2) "heres something i did/something i got you to show my sincerest apologies" - not so much the material as much the meaning behind a gift or action which displays your honesty in repenting. or the extent of sorrow you have for putting the person through something nasty.

3) "i know what i did wrong" - sometimes, all a person needs to hear to know you really are sorry is you comprehending exactly what youve done and the consequences. they want to believe that you UNDERSTAND your mistake and its results on their person.

4) "im so so sorry" - ... self explanatory. just come out and say your sorry for making someone feel down. sometimes implications arnt enough and the direct route is the wisest.

5) "will you forgive me?" - my personal favourite. asking one for their forgiveness sorta subjects you to them, placing you in a position which requires their mercy. because after all, forgiveness doesnt just come because you apologise... it comes from the wronged man or woman.

right there we go. forgiveness going one way... and the other. : ) the thing is, forgiveness is a huge part of any relationship, whether friendly or something else. although many would say otherwise, a bond between two people does get stronger if a mistake occurs, and a forgiveness is in order.

think about it. as people grow and change, friendship and love entailed in their companionship WILL be tested. its inevitable. its how they bounce back from turmoil and troubles which really determines the future of the two of them. the turbulence is that which proves just how far and long a friendship was made to last.

man. that was tiring. ill be honest: i kept wanting to give up writing this and go play dota, put up a weak ass journal post and leave that as that. but i knew if i did, nothing prevented me from doing so again and again and again... in the end degrading lauhan-loong.blogspot.com to your everyday, average, tasteless blog.

now thats its done though, i love writing stuff like this. keeps the mind fresh and the spirit going! till next time me duckies... take care and stay lovely!

The Fray's Heaven Forbid

Twenty years, it's breaking you down
now that you understand there's no one around
Take a breath, just take a seat
your falling apart and tearing at the seems

Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why
Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

It's on your face, is it on your mind
would you care to build a house of your own
How much longer, how long can you wait
It's like you wanted to go and give yourself away

Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why
Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright
Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why
Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright