second chances are our demons on high

ive been watching a LOT of scrubs. see, ive got the first 2 or 3 seasons on dvd(so pirated you could sew em together with some dark sails and people would mistake it for the black pearl) and i think its a great show. not only cause its funny as friends(maybe even more so), but also because at the same time it holds messages about life comparable to greys anatomy. no kidding.

now, im rewatching the first two seasons AND the other episodes on a video streaming site. i dunno, but i see a LOT of john dorian in myself. just like JD, im goofy, friendly and overall someone who is really just running in circles hoping to get to the finishing line. hes an intern trying to find his way to a happy ending and IM just a kid looking for what I want outta life. along the way, theres bound to be pressure from people and places that we have to learn to cope with.

and some that we find we cant.

see... ok, how should i put this. hsssssssssht. alright. i ALWAYS believed that in life, you are given a second chance at ANYTHING that is important. important in the sense that it has a major impact on your future, maturity and experiences. whether be it a relationship, a job, a decision... you are never denied the opportunity to try your hand at it again.

take for example, if you chose to concentrate on an aspect of school or social life at the expense of your studies. in this instance, youve sacrificed the possibility at excellent grades for an experience, a burst of flavor in life no matter how temporary that you, at that point of time, thought wholly preferable to hunkering down with your nose to your books. im not saying this was a BAD or inferior path to take, no! life is for living, and you should go ahead and live it up like theres no tomorrow.

but what if you have this nagging feeling at the back of your mind, this little tremor which causes you discomfort simply because theres you know deep down that maybe you should have done something different. is it possible to go back and change what youve done? in many cases, the answer is no. however, no matter how unfair life gets, no matter how it twists and turns and dips and dives... you will always be allowed a second shot at such vital situations.

i think i qualify as a class a example right here. allow me to digress a bit ogay? right, being retained was one of the worst, yet best, things i have ever had to go through. i wont say i have ever done, because done implies choice. but mark this statement, well come back to it later. ok, so it was bad because i was forced to watch my friends progress and eventually leave me hanging with these neighbourhood fuckface j1s. it was bad because my parents were coming down on me hard. and it was bad because retainees dont exactly command stellar respect if you think about it.

simultaneously, it was good because i got to meet char, and many other people one year my junior who all made... sorry, MAKE great friends. : D it was good because i knew exactly what to do and when to do it, making my life a whole lot more organised and tidy. it was good because i had an edge over everyone else. and its not because of what you presume it is.

the edge didnt arise because i had a vague idea of what i was learning due to the prior year(helllloooooo, drunken debauchery and overall fucking around makes EVERYTHING seem like a blur). nor was it because i knew all the teachers and had access to help whenever i needed it(although admittedly, help was never really what i would call forthcoming. go figure.). no, it was because i felt like a had a point to prove. retaining was a sorta motivation for me, something to give me drive to show everyone that so what if i had to repeat a year? HAH, im gonna study and get my grades, and YOU are gonna work for ME next time. I SAID CREAM TWO SUGARS!!! TWO!!!!!

so if i had another chance? some strange, otherworldly cause and effect which would allow me to sculpt the past so i could catch up with everyone else at the expense of that year? i still would retain. and thats a second choice for you. clearly, i cant speak for everyone else faced with questions which put up different faces but entail the same theme beneath. but i know, just KNOW, that second chances are something we will always get if the results are worth having to take such a huge stance in the first fork in the road, the first right of left, the first place.

in closing. two people, if ever meant to be together, will get a second try at things no matter how long the chance takes to come by once more. a job lost, is just another way of prodding you towards trying harder at proving to yourself that youve simply gained more job opportunities. and if i walk away now, maybe... just maybe, id have a second shot at making it work afterwards.

The Corrs' What Can I Do

I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we have talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what i'm doing wrong