i wish all my struggles were with my hands

ok, time to water this blog down a bit. its gotten a wee bit too perky lately, but only because im ignoring my troubles too well. like every other average teenager(oh dot. im 20 this year. what a bitch.), of course i have stress/aggro/pressure coming from multiple places at once. as this blog is one of the best outlets ive had in years, ill just put em up here. maybe one of you kind readers will figure out a solution to one(or, if your feeling up to it me lovely, several) of my problems.

lets start things off with how im going to tell me dear old uncle wheelock how i plan to quit next month. yes, thats right, im planning on quitting my desk job at uob kay hian in less than 30 days. why you ask? well... it all comes down to a couple of aspects on life ive reflected on with all the time ive had sitting in this little cubicle.

first off, like ive told some people before, these months(Everything In Between, basically.) will be the only time in ANYONE's life during which they will find they possess a liberty they will never have again. this is especially directed at readers my age, or a tiny bit younger. hmmm. lemme try to be a bit more vivid, the point will slide a lot easier across then.

id like to pose some questions to all of you, and it would be swell if you could keep your answers in mind as we go along. ill give my own response to each question and hopefully they will match with yours.

=>alright, for the past 12 years of your lives, what have you been doing?

studying.

=>ok, and why do you do it?

because of my obligations to my parents, my future and anyone relying on me.

=>fair enough. now, for the guys, what will you be doing for the next two years?

ill be going in ns.

=>and there, you have to?

obey my commanding officer, stay in camp and fulfill whatever duties may come my way.

=>now this ones for both guys and girls: when you go into uni, what will be expected of you?

good grades, degree.

=>why?

because with those things i can get a job after i get outta uni.

=>and when your done with uni, what will you be doing?

getting a job.

=>mmm hmm. the purpose being?

because i need to feed my family and be independent.

aaannndddd thats the end of our little questionnaire.

okey dokes, lets examine everything shall we. its apparent to me, that this little time we have left before guys go into ns and girls go into uni is the only period in our WHOLE lives that we do NOT owe anybody anything. we have studied and finished our A levels, the de facto reason we have not been able to enjoy an extent of freedom this large this far. we have no parents to bug us to study more, no school to be aggroed about.

this time will actually be the template for memories when, five or ten years down the line, we look back and say hahaha do you remember when such and such happened while who and who messed around! therefore, do i really really REALLY want to be at a nice little gathering of friends sometime in the future, and when they are busy reminiscing about the good old days, all I can say is "i was doing the exact same thing im doing now, except now ive got better pay.". clearly not.

coupled with the fact that i HAVE learned a lot while working here for two months, i think theres a strong arguement as to why i should leave uob kay hian. also, i find myself unable to do driving lessons with the time constraints placed on me by employment, with my desire being to be able to drive before going into ns.

my parents, however, feel differently. they inSIST on me working until march and promise to chauffeur me around till im 21(because if i dont finish my driving by this year, i can only drive when im 21. some stupid new rule.) just because they are afraid of looking bad in front of uncle wheelock.

yeah, ok, look, i DO NOT want to driven around by those two any longer than absolutely necessary. this is because its just more leverage against me to say oh i always bring you everywhere why cant you listen to us more often bullshit bullshit bullshit. AND, i want to fucking drive MYSELF DAMNIT. what kind of moronic IDIOT still relies on his PARENTS to bring him around this small ass speck of an island when HES FUCKING TWENTY ONE???

and, about uncle wheelock? uh, ill have worked here two months? and thats more than HALF the time i have before i have to dig holes and eat snakes for the next two years? so i think its entirely up to me when the fuck im going to quit.

moving on to ANOTHER problem...

banking my first fucking pay check.

theres actually nothing wrong with the paycheck itself. its perfectly ok.

but for some unDOTLY reason, the name of my bank account is han long. thats NOT how you spell my FRIGGIN name. its han LOONG. two Os. there was obviously some kind of slip up, and because of this carelessness i have to go down to fucking posb and CHANGE my bank account name so i can bank my check. its so DAMN troublesome i dont even wanna think about it.

i suspect when me and my mom were creating the bank account, she wrote my name down wrong when filling in the details. RRREEAAALLLLLL typical of her, if you come to think about it(her english and lack of common sense is atrocious to say the least. but still better than those river valley fucktards. a bit.). pffffft. thank god for fantasy novels and good poetry: heaven only knows what my literary prowess would be like if i had her as a sole tutor.

lastly, a most sensitive issue, also pertaining to my mom. it involves her, me and a friend who im trying to help out(although this friend remains oblivious to everything...). see, in order to give my dear friend a boost, i need my mom's help. unfortunately, on the way to the airport yesterday, she blew this small issue(involving the very same friend) WAY out of proportion simply because she was in one of her fucked up moods. what resulted was a shouting(very very very loud shouting) match lasting from home all the way to changi and the terminal carpark. it remains unsettled and still volcanic, threatening to explode into another full blown screaming argument.

thus, there is good reason to believe that my mom may not be willing to help anymore due to her completely unjustified gook bitch fit. if thats the case, what am i supposed to tell my friend? sorry for getting your hopes up and letting you down but my mom is being a total whore and its impossible to help you the way i promised a while back. what the fuck right. therefore, i am still extremely extremely EXFUCKINGTREMELY PISSED OFF at the whole situation.

right, thats it. a huge mouthful isnt it? and little old me being only nineteen.

sorry about this whiny ass post me lovelies, but i needed to get all of this crap off my chest. the next one will be a bit more uppity, i hope. man. fuck this shit, ima go do more spreadsheets.





























































































or go look at wikipedia some more. probably the latter.

Foo Fighters' Best of You

I needed somewhere to hang my head, without your noose
You gave me something that I didn't have, but had no use
I was too weak to give in, too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again, but I break loose
My head is giving me life or death, but I can't choose
I'll swear I'll never give in, I'll refuse