i love playing at the tracks

morning my lovely readers!!! how have all of you been recently? once again, im posting from my neat little cubicle. ive got a mound of work to do, but i can always devote a small slice of time to me lovelies(thats you, by the way)!!!

well, todays post will be a bit deep. im going to talk about having a very very very personal relationship with God. keep in mind that im NOT trying to force my religion on anyone, nor am i endorsing christianity. im writing this because i feel that, over the past few weeks, ive strayed a bit far from Him and i need to find my way back.

i have friends and work to occupy my time, up to the point where i found myself not fulfilling my responsibilities to God. where once i prayed on a daily basis, thanking Him for His aid and mercy, now ill be fortunate to have a silent moment with him once a week.

clearly, i am to blame for this negligence, the fault lies with me and me alone. thus, i truly hope that by composing this little article, i can recall the importance and warmth i felt when i devoted so much time to Him. by doing so, i will once again remind myself that God IS right by my side, and it is vital i never forget that, or take it for granted.

to have a personal relationship with God, in my opinion, is to be safe and secure in the knowledge that He is an ever present guide and guardian. it means you can talk to Him whenever you want and understand His plans laid out for you, without Him ever needing to give a direct response or answer.

but therein lies an inherent flaw: how is it possible to have a REAL, PERSONAL relationship with One who doesnt respond to questions? because, if you think about it, thats what every relationship is based on isnt it? proper, true communication, an exchange of feeling and soul to foster love. how can that exist when God never gives us direct, clear cut answers, especially when we need it the most?

to illustrate my point and more importantly, answer the question posed, ill complete the short story i began a while ago. ever since i drew up the first draft about a week prior, ive been paying it huge consideration. this extended to even hong kong: whenever i was woken up by yannis snoring/grunting/trumpeting id lie awake and think long and hard. how do i sculpt the script in a flowery fashion yet still retain concepts which i could apply to the issue at hand?

ill let Adam explain shall i?


Adam

adam made his way through the throngs. he shoved and pushed just like the rest of the multitude, jostling people left and right. not slowing down even when a particularly vicious shove caused a woman wearing an ermine fur coat and carrying a louis viton handbag to shriek and fall down, adam continued to slither towards the middle of the huge building.

as the tubes slid back and forth on their tracks, men, women and children alike stampeded on and off the carriages, hurrying off to their destinations. chaotic to say the least, no one in their right mind would have wanted to remain in that hustle and bustle any longer than they absolutely had to. they couldnt wait to get out of the crowded and inefficient government building, what will all the loud noises, obnoxious people and disturbing smells of sweat and cheap cologne pervading every corner of the place.

adam paused. he had reached his spot: the centre of the enormous train station. the moment he stopped, he was immediately banged around by the surging crowds surrounding him. grunts of "get outta way", "move along you prick" and other such derogatory remarks flew in a constant stream, each more stinging than the last. like a fragile island, adam was set about on all sides by tumultuous waves of impatient commuters. adam faced the very real threat of being tripped and trampled underfoot...

but still he stood, refusing to move even one step. ignoring the rude suggestions coming from everywhere all at once and the constant knocking about, adam closed his eyes, turned his face upwards and spread his arms wide by a tiny fraction. to the ignorant outsider, it would have seemed as though he was in a trance. and in a way, he was.

adam waited. for what he didnt know. he was not told what to expect, merely to make his way to the middle of the area and... well... be patient. continuing to stand stock still, steadying himself whenever he was buffeted by the unruly crowds, adam began counting away the seconds in his head.

seconds turned to minutes, minutes to hours. adam began to grow restless. his arms were tired, he had multiple bruises thanks to the aggressive ministrations by the impolite people around him and nothing had happened yet. doubt filled his mind and he began to consider giving up when all of a sudden, a voice whispered "your too tense, adam."

adam's eyes snapped open. looking around for the owner of that familiar voice in vain, adam shrugged. well, what did he have to lose? hes been following His advice all this time, whats another couple of minutes?

adam closed his eyes once again, but this time focused on letting the frustration and impatience seep out of his body. thinking of the hill where he held all those conversations with the One who sent him here in the first place, an immediate, settling calm befell him. everything about the unseen station suddenly gained startling clarity, new perspective engulfed and changed what was so recognised before.

the smells... they were different. adam no longer smelled the stench of humanity in a hurry. he smelled an aroma of men. a scent composed of life, action and purpose replaced the tinge of unhappiness, intolerance and aimlessness.

the sounds... they were new. adam could not hear the cacophony of the station in constant motion like before. he heard a symphony of so many different footsteps from so many different walks of life blend astoundingly together.

the touch... it had evolved. adam was not pushed from side to side, his outstretched fingers cramped from every angle possible. he was now one with the human tide. unlike mere minutes before, adam now flowed like a fluid through the anger and movements of the throngs. he could feel and sense the ebb and flow of the mass... with himself as the centre, the beating heart.

and adam could SEE... he saw a veritable display of fireworks. beams of life and thoughts, glowing a brilliant orange, connected every living person in the station. they all swung to and fro, always shifting to reveal the swells of the multitude. adam himself was bursting with this orange energy, a sun within a train station.

burning with SOMETHING, shining with an enormity he thought could not possibly exist in this world, adam felt he was dying, living, dying and living over and over again. his heart, brimming with this energy, burst into a million glistening fragments, only to collect and gather into a new one, never stopping its pump of tendrils of spirit throughout his body.

adam gave up his soul.

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gasping, adam collapsed onto the floor. panting, he looked around in fear, expecting to see a shoe or heel soaring towards his crumpled body. but no... the station was empty. he glanced at the grand clock presiding over all the platforms. he had been there for 5 hours: everyone had gone home and it was now dark outside.

picking himself up, adam trudged towards the exit.

on the hill overlooking the city, adam slumped against a large tree. still out of breath from his out of body experience, adam needed rest before dawn broke. his eyelids fluttered and finally closed, as his tired form gave in to exhaustion.

he didnt dream again that night. he never dreamt nowadays. he didnt know why, and he doubted he ever would. so he slept and slept and slept. he let darkness envelope him, embraced blankness and allowed an empty promise lead him by the hand to everything and nothing all at once.

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"adam..."

its so nice there. why would anyone want to take him away? it was so nice, so nice, so nice.

"adam, awake..."

nonono, thats not right, this place is empty, its empty, its me and me and me and me its nothing else, because nothing else matters here when im here your not supposed to be here your not your not

"adam, its time to wake up..."

adam's eyes blinked open. he saw the moon and stars in all their glory. their twinkling figures implied an eternity of being so quiet yet so loud, flares which would always be there. unlike so many other things...

smiling at his old friends, adam sat up and rubbed away the sleep.

and there, at his side, was God.

"good evening adam... or should i say good morning."

"hello, God. what time is it?"

"late enough for us to be early today, early enough for us to walk and talk. come."

God stood and strolled down the hill, towards the city. adam sighed, shook the last vestiges of lethargy from his head and jogged to God's side. bursting with questions concerning the night before, adam could not wait to begin their daily morning debate. for a while, the only sound they heard was the cold, brisk winds rustling grass and leaves alike.


"how did you find the experience yesterday adam?" God finally asked


"interesting, interesting. it helped answer many enigmas i had concerning society and its function as a whole. thank you for a most provocative answer." adam replied.


"mmm. i thought you might have found it refreshing."

as they crossed a bridge spanning a small canal, their bare feet made soft scraping noises as they struck the hard stone paving. combined with the chirping crickets and rushing water, adam plucked up the courage to speak to God again.



"i have another question for you God."


"ask away my child."


"well, for the past few weeks weve been having talks, discussing life and its meaning. not that im complaining of course, who better to chat over these things than the big guy himself right? but somethings been on my mind lately."

"oh?"

"yeah. God, i want to know... why me?"

"why you what adam?"

"you know what im talking about. why choose me? out of the millions of people praying to you for answers, some sort of divine intervention, why did you appear before me?"

"ill solve that riddle in a while adam. first allow me to bring up the past, the circumstances you found yourself in but a few months ago. i feel itll will make the issue a whole lot clearer."

"alright, shoot."

"some time back adam, you were facing obstacles which you felt you could not possibly overcome. in desperation, you cried out for my help, my aid to lift you out of your misery. but i did not give it. i could not."

"why? i know you can, you know you can. why not just help whoever asks for it, soothe aches and save lives? you are almighty, all powerful. why not just... help?"

"because that is not how i made man to be. i made man to tread his own way in the world, to face his burdens and trials. they can pray and ask for help, but for me to grant all of it would be a violation of every single reason why i created adam and eve in the first place. that is, their level of morality and having to live with each decision, wise or not, for the rest of their lives."

"i think i understand. please, continue. why, then, did you deviate from this philosophy and come to me?"

God guides adam to a cathedral, old and grey. humongous glass windows decorate the building, with dark, sneering gargoyles lurking at every corner. the building screamed gothic, radiating a sense of foreboding and morbidness only associated with extremely derelict places of worship.

"because, my child," God said as he pushed open the large, impressive doors of the cathedral "you allowed yourself to trust and love me as much as i love you."

adam cocked his head to the side. he had trouble comprehending this new truth, but God waited patiently at the cathedral's opening. finally, he nodded and smiled. with God's beckoning, adam strode purposefully into the holy building.

end Part 1

well, thats it! hope you liked it readers! im working on Part 2, but dont expect it to be done anything soon. ive got other things on my mind so its pretty much taken a backseat to a lot of stuff.

anyway, after reading that, i hope you understand what i think makes it possible to have a deep, personal relationship with God. its basically acknowledging that He loves us beyond comprehension and all we have to do is return that love.

it must be clear that this is by no means a small feat. by doing so, one can almost ensure that they empower a bond with God yet it takes great, staggering amounts of effort. to fall back on my story, try imagining God being literally next to you everytime you face a decision. what would He say, do or feel when hes in a situation right by your side as a friend, lover and confidant.

well, thats it! capping off this post, id like to leave all of you with a great piece of news: lauhan-loong.blogspot.com is being considered as a blog worthy of a position in the national library board's blog archives!!! woohoo!!! updates on that will come as soon as i know whats going on. till next time readers, stay lovely!



























































yeah, that last part was complete crap. hahahaha who in their right mind would want to store this away for future generations to read! > <

Blink 182's Feeling This

Fate fell short this time
Your smile fades in the summer
Place your hand in mine
I'll leave when I wanna

This place was never the same again
After you came and went
How can you say you meant anything different
To anyone standing alone
On the street with a cigarette
On the first night we met

Look to the past
And remember and smile.
And maybe tonight I can breathe for awhile.
I'm not in the scene
I think I'm fallin' asleep
But then all that it means is
I'll always be dreaming of you.

Fate fell short this time
Your smile fades in the summer
Place your hand in mine
I'll leave when I wanna