the past is only the future with the lights on

"do you remember where we used to sleep at night?"

hi hi blog fans!!! : D i feel very good right now, as if i can face and conquear anything the sea soldier course can throw at me. why? because xin wei just called me from brunei!!! my fucking awesome pai is coming home on wednesday, and we are definetely gonna chill on my book out. which is on FRIDAY(FUCK BMT BOOK OUTS ON SATURDAYS _I_ O.O _I_)!!!.

see the thing is, the course is fucking garang, non smoking(!!!!!!) and damn regimental. which is another way of saying if u do anything different from what they tell you to, youll get fucked over. but never mind!!! im never gonna bend, never gonna break. because

1) i got my pais

2) its only two fucking months, itll pass quick

3) ive got NUS business to look forward to after everything BOOOIIIIIIIII

4) ive got great buddies going into the course with me!

5) my spirit is high and mighty.

of course, i will feel down now and then. whether its because im tired or i miss my friends, ill no doubt feel off in camp. especially during the first few weeks. but you know what. everyones a call away. my book outs guarantee quality time with people i love. and i am in my element(water, for those readers who are impossibly dull.).

it doesnt matter what comes my way. it doesnt matter how many times i break down and feel like dying. because ive got help from people who care about me to pick me up. ive got things that so many others envy: the assurance that ill be ok.

see, the feeling of needing someone to love and be loved in return is whats been dragging me down for the past month. ive talked to so many people about it, but i always come away empty and unsatisfied with answers given. because if you think about it, the kind of relationship im looking for right now is impossible given my circumstances. the only real chance ill have is when i hit nus.

the thing that really knocked me over the head and made me realise my situation could only be cured by myself was the revelation that, hell, i dont NEED a relationship like this now. i wont die, i wont lie in my bed every night and cry my eyes out because im sleeping alone. i only want it really badly. and even though i cant get rid of the feeling, i am safe in the knowledge that ive got everything else going for me.

good friends.

a sea soldier course which is way fucking better than rifleman or air trooper(camo? outfield? what the fuck is that?)

a life after army just waiting for me to start on.

thus.

you cant break me. you cant make me give up. because even though i know some people will go away and some things will hurt(geraldine going back australia for god knows how long, jerome going overseas after ns. me missing the concert tonight and seeing everyone once more, the lack of stay out.)... it all gets better as we go on.

thats how life is. and this is how im meant to live mine, just as God is guiding me to.

so till next week.

Adiós AND TAKE CARE ME LOVELIES!!!

+44's Baby Come On

And I can always find her
At the bottom of a plastic cup
Drowning in drunk sincerity
A sad and lonely girl

Quit crying your eyes out
Quit crying your eyes out, and baby, come on
Isn't there something familiar about me?
The past is only the future with the lights on
Quit crying your eyes out, baby

And she said:
I think we're running out of alcohol
Tonight, I hate this fucking town
And all my best friends will be the death of me
But they won't ever remember, remember

So please take me far away
Before I melt into the ground
And all my words get used against me
You sad and lonely girl

Quit crying your eyes out
Quit crying your eyes out, and baby, come on
Isn't there something familiar about me?
The past is only the future with the lights on
Quit crying your eyes out, baby