im slowly trying to figure out whats wrong with me. ive been so UNSETTLED these past few weeks and just when i believe ive cured myself of this uncharacteristic gloominess, it pops up again with no warning. i think there are two categories when attemtping to solve this enigma. physical and emotional. because heck, im pretty sure im mentally healthy. after all, i can still crack a joke at the most opportune moment and wriggle my way outta most sticky situations(like when there are sergeants breathing down my neck.)
physical: wisdom tooth coming up. it doesnt hurt yet, and i think ill make an appointment with my dentist when it starts to sting. i understand that its possible to attain a three day mc from army while you recover from such a painful procedure, so i believe ill save it for when i really am in need.
my knee caps are painful too. ive got an MMI on thursday, so ill just check if i should continue with the physically strenous activities that the sea soldier course demands of me. its fun and all, but if theres any danger of a permanent danger ill just have to do something about it. hmmm.
moving on to the emotional, which i strongly feel is whats bothering me nowadays. after all, i like wearing my heart on my sleeve. the physical flaws i have seem tiny compared to the hammer blows i must endure whenever i sink into stewing of my current situation. lemme try to break it down, maybe itll be easier.
ok, from what i can decipher, my downcast mood arises from the lack of someone to hold. now dont get me wrong, i dont miss any of my ex girlfriends. i dont pine for them, long for certain people whom i have cared for and been loved in return. its the FEELING of having someone there. the knowledge that yes, i have a girl out there who i love with all my heart, and i know she loves me back. thats the feeling that im missing.
so its not so much that im the kind of guy who will DIE without a girlfriend. thats just being insecure. no, im the type of person who is a natural romantic, a guy who really puts everything he has into a relationship to make sure everything goes fine and dandy. i kinda made a promise to myself that the next girl i find myself with, ill do everything possible to show her just how special she is, just how much she brightens my day.
BUT.
thats the thing. i know in my position right now, its impossible to maintain a relationship like that. how can i dedicate all i have to a girl when i have barely enough time for myself in army? its near impossible. thus, the incessant nagging in the back of my mind whenever im listening to songs and pondering life. its just bothersome. i have to wait until i ORD and get out of the SAF.
man.
but who knows lah, i guess life gets better as we go on. maybe ill get a stroke of luck and happen upon circumstances which permit me to really enjoy a bond with someone who understands and sees life the way i do. obviously, shes gotta like paramore. hahahhaa ok maybe she doesnt have to have the same taste in music, but there you go. something like that lah.
all this emo aside...
yesterday night was hilarious.
samuel punched jerome in the nose while dancing and caused him a nose bleed.
jon's friends came all dressed up. i saw van helsing and an ultimate retro guy. with the afro, white suit and all.
however...
cindy shun left early.
yanni didnt turn up.
xin wei made us look for him for an hour when he was sleeping outside.
i was THIS close to punching samuel while trying to get his drunk ass outta MOS.
all in all though, it was good fun. a fitting celebration for a fitting pai. happy birthday jerome, this WAS a night to remember. lets have more though. : D
so anyway, tonight im booking in. tomorrows my live shoot with the gpmg, which im looking forward to. good clean gunning fun!!! really lah, im like the happiest guy in camp even without my smokes. i guess thats how i dont feel the urge. by keeping your head up, you dont feel the desire to smoke(which logically derives from being sian, sad and bored.).
dum dee dum dum. theres not much left to say. 8 weeks to POC and well see how life goes from there. geraldines leaving for australia soon, ill definetely miss her(shell be back in 3 months though. about the time my ns life would have settled i believe.). jons birthday next week, which im so prepped for. the long weekend when national day falls on friday.
so, to close this post... life is funny lah. in retrospect, i should be the most joyful bugger around. im enjoying my course(who else can say that???), my pais are there for me whenever i need and nus business is waiting for me after i ord and party hearty for 6 months. still, all it takes is one portion of your life to make you falter. and it just so happens that part(the lack of someone to really love, if you havnt been paying attention -_-) makes up a whole lotta han loong. ah well. head up and chest out and youll find that special someone. : )
p.s. the dark knight is a good movie.
Nickelback's Someday
Nothing's wrong
Just as long as you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it alright
But not right now
I know you're wondering when
You're the only one who knows that
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it alright
But not right now
I know you're wondering when
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
