i really feel you should read the bottom two posts before this one. its sorta murky if you dont, and who likes reading the vague, obscure rantings of a youth? if you truly DO enjoy reading through inane and senseless drivel, there are a plethora of blogs out there which simply drip with redundancy and lack of wit. i suggest you go find them now, because you sure as hell wont find any such nonsense here.
i mean, yeah alright so ive been mulling stuff around very openly on this blog, up to the point where i can imagine readers scratching their head trying to figure out the points im trying to put across. admittedly, my minds been rife with conflicting thoughts and musings which manifest themselves through my writing. im going to try to clear it all up... for my sake and the people who are affected by my confused state of mind. so basically, this is it:
in order to have an army life which does as little damage to your civilian life(which is clearly infinitely more vital. dont even THINK about arguing with me over this; civilian life outranks army life any day. so there.) as possible, a certain aim or goal must be entrenched firmly in your head and at all costs pursued. for some, its ocs or sispaq. for others its guards or even commandos.
this is to ensure that no matter what happens to you in the course of your two years spent serving the country(that gave me an involuntary shiver up and down my spine right there.), you keep your mind on track. it is exposed to as little harm as possible. to make things easier to grasp, ill resort to imagery.
a man is walking down a road. he wants to get to the end because upon reaching it, the road branches off into dozens of other pathways, each accessible only through his steady, stable pace. however, the road is treacherous. not only does it wind to and fro and loops dangerously, but there are hidden pitfalls and traps just waiting to ensnare the man. fortunately, if the man resolutely continues down the road with his mind focused on concluding his long route, these snares will barely graze him. even if they do slow him down, he quickly shrugs them off and focuses instead on his final target.
in a way, the goal itself acts as a powerful motivation. in my instance, my goal in bmt is to not get confined. because book outs are precious and they should be spent with family and friends, refreshing one and gearing one up for the tiresome days ahead. thus, i do everything quickly and as cautiously as possible.
on a larger scale though, my mantra for these two years is still "just live". this entails being as negligent as possible towards everything and anything during these two years. although it sounds a bit selfish, i sincerely believe that it strengthens my guard against potential harm, both physical and mental. after all, how can something pain you if you cast an uncaring eye on it, glance once or twice with little real concern and turn away with absolutely no bother?
i can recourse bmt. i can be posted to some shitty vocation. i can even not play water polo during my time in army. but with this concept in mind, especially given a little more time to refine it, i doubt that i will be rendered a sobbing wreck by anything that comes my way, no matter how awful or terrible it is.
notice that i mention everything and anything, but i artfully left out everyone and anyone. because i do care much about my close friends and family, and they mean the world to me. however, "just live" applies, to a degree, to them as well. in the course of these two years, i am positive that some of my friendships will change(for the better or for the worse, either is equally valid here.) over time. to be frank, i can sense some of them warping already. a taste of things to come perhaps.
as such, a proper stance of "hmmm. expected. ah well. i wonder what i should get up to tomorrow." is important in civilian life whilst in the midst(or in my sad case, the beginning) of army life. thats for me, anyway. by building a wall of insensitivity between myself and anyone i suspect may cause me discomfort or pangs, i can truly dodge a huge amount of flak. self preservation at its best. if youve got something else to lean on(like a girlfriend or book out every day), then honest cheers and hoorah for you.
to cap it all off... it currently looks as if im going to nus SASS. i have to admit i was a bit fearful when i didnt receive my letter while everyone else were busy getting interviews and offers from unis, but now thank God i have a place reserved for me after ns. of course ill still try to appeal to smu and nus business(because heck those are the courses i wanted) but if i can major in econs and get my CFA before i graduate then whoop dee doo.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chartered_Financial_Analyst
hmm lemme see what else i can apply "just live" to. theres relationships, both in and out of army. theres what army has in store for me. and finally, theres the general bullshit life can throw your way when you least expect it. : / doesnt sound very encouraging, but heck whats a guy to do. chin up chest out like i always say, and never let them see your head bent.
in conclusion! PASS OUT PARADE IN LESS THAN A MONTH BOI!!!!!!! YAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
p.s. you dont faze me anymore, so THERE.
Colin Hay's Waiting for My Real Life to Begin
And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again
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